I can only dream for so long, before they become nightmares

It was non like her to hide herself a focal point, to sidereal day she recognizemed to a greater extent tortured, frightened. She was a subtlety to herself, unable to surround herself with the illusions that conjured her putrid smile. In the corner she perpetually laid, like a silhouette of conceive ofs protected, yet captured by the ambience of spiritedness itself. The intelligence of her formerly intrigued mind fell short with the constant shivers of things that once were. Do I search myself do I seem elated to others? Does my prolonged absence from the world affect the way people see me?I cant invariably be so positive, life has taught me that much. tho Ive attempt for so long to see the good to see the light thats meditate to forever shine upon me, yet its so far beyond my reach, thus far much I try, my jealous being stops me entirely, tying me down, chaining me to the diminish of existence that is me. I can only dream for so long, out front they become nightmare s. Nightmares I cant escape Within her mind was always the foment concept of incertitude, yet however she placed it, she could non seem to arrange what effect it would have on her.Unwilling to except the hand of others, she struggled with the locomote of living and the tragedy of k right awaying. To be someone that people noticed, was a dream she could only imagine done the echoing w whollys that held her from the person she aimed to be, yet as the darkness of the walls and the lights of the windows framed her vicious circle, she could only question the memories. Her mother was a kind, genuine creature, who always showed her that there was to a greater extent to life, then just co-existing. But she could never see the beauty which her mother would talk about.Her father had left(p) at an early age, leaving only a hole of icterus and resentment in her unprotected heart that would always question her mightiness to live. She never thought of him as someone that loved her, but as someone who could not handle the concept of having a child. To think is to notion, and thats not a journey worth taking. Can searching for an answer also graphic to understand be a conflict, and can you reach for something phantasmagorical and pray that its not an abstract illusion? If finding out the center of what once was, forces out the beauty from which it came, can I be evaluate of what I touch sensation is right?So my father left me when I was young, and my mother blames herself for his disappearance, yet I feel compelled to still find him and assume those questions that haunted me for the last few years. So I convey a game in my mind, a game that allows me to dictate the outcome, and that provides me with the acceptance of his unmanly soul. If I look through him, can I see what dream he had? Can I tell his story through my look? Yet Ive grown out of caring about his particular emotions, or the way his smile is.Time was never on her side, but it was a factor tha t she become used to. A timeless presence of doubt was always abundant, it clawed and ripped apart the person she once knew, choking and oppress the things that seemed awake in her. Her father was her source of doubt. Like a demon, keeping her to him, getting tighter as she grew older, but She would always think about him and the day he left, but never for too long, there was a character inside of her that protected her from the bellowing and shame of his once gentle share that always seemed to settle her as she slept.The controllable aspects of her mind always vanished when she left her corner. She was obligated to stay there never to move, never to feel the way others did. Her mother thought she was doomed to a life on her own, a life that could only bring pain and destruction. Nothing was foreseeable in her darkened future, the lines were scratch out, living a complex life so full of confusion and sorrow. As the night settled in and the bright light was but a figment of what once was, she dwelled in the chance of delusions and fiction.And as she swayed from side to side, holding her legs ever so tightly, the realizes of her youth seemed to move out of her like a twisted play acted out by the misapprehension of others. To seem as normal as possible was always her goal, finding the fault in the memory of others and not herself, but that was a game too complicated for her to play out. The night was colder than usual more putrid, more harmful, its shivering wind was almost alive, playing with the restless and fearful.She could not move, she could not breathe, her reactions were slow, almost as if something was holding her down, and taking away the in truth essence that is her. I cant move, I cant feel, is it my time. The air is so cold, I cant seem to warm myself up. If I move I know Ill become insane, the unison of deformed creatures, is move vivid than usual. I am a ghost to myself, a plague which Ive grown accustomed to. Can I play out the things th at seem to be awake? an I change the moment of words that I dont know and rehearse them till they become the experience that changes my situation? My mother has tried for so long to recreate the image I have made for myself. The image that I am now has scared her. She never looks at me the same anymore, her looks are more disgusted, more tortured and they seem to be on fire. I can feel her slipping away from me. The night is the only time I dont feel safe, I dont feel like me, its cruel and mindless, possessing a nature of a different kind.If I run, how far will I reach in advance it swallows me, taking away all that I am, in the night I am a monster, a nightmare that would bring tears to all that saw me. In her mind she was the very reason of all the suffering and pain to others around her, she could only escape the nightmare if the sun was up, for its rays of rightness and truth were the only reason she had not become the thing that seemed to outrage her. She was the meaning which you could not find, the lonely hero that was only visible through the sun. It seemed that nothing would be able to release her from herself. A soul forever doomed.